I Wasn’t who I am…..

Posted: December 7, 2011 in Minot
Tags: , , ,

Isn’t it strange, how one day your perspective on things just change? Today as I was just driving along, trying to get where I needed to go, I suddenly thought…Wow….I have forgotten to go to God first! I think I used to be that way….asking, seeking, searching for answers, but most always praying about something first.

The flood…..Disaster…changes who you are and what you think, and how you arrive at what you are thinking. Or maybe you don’t really think at all, maybe you just go from point A to point B and dance to the music.

I realize that I am not who I was before the flood. “Things” have taken a backseat. “Things” have gone away. One day they were all safely in my home, and next they became water logged. Soggy couches, chairs with broken legs, a dining room table folded over, hardwood flooring bulged up across the once smooth and shiny area. None of it really matters, but I matter. It matters that through all the troubles of dealing with slime-water-filled stuff, I was no longer who I am. The really hard part of all that, is realizing one day you are different. Realizing one day that you had been asleep somewhere in the midst of it all. The brain fog…clouded everything….perhaps a coping mechanism.

Oh, yea, I went about doing what needed to be done. I laughed at jokes. I helped others….and accepted help from others. Gratefulness. Emptiness. Sorrow….hoping…but mostly no feelings…no thoughts of returning to life, primarily because of not knowing I had become someone else.

There seems to be no question I know the answer to. For others, yes….I am able to say all the right words, because those words are part of the real me. But for me to help me….

What has not been lost? I didn’t lose Jesus and He didn’t lose me. I didn’t lose my experiences, nor did I lose hope. (well, only part of the time) I didn’t lose laughter, and I didn’t lose friends or family. I didn’t lose ……Those things that no one or nothing can steal. We all have them…and it is good to remember what is left. Somewhere in the Bible it talks about everything that can be shaken will be shaken. Sometimes I feel like a snow globe….I am just one of those pieces of snow, flying all over, and finally beginning to settle only to be picked up and shaken again. When the shaking is done, things never return to the way they were. Anyone who thinks we can go on as usual is sadly mistaken. Almost nothing in our lives will ever be the same again.

People talk about the new “normal”. We have to find our new “normal”. Part of finding that new normal is reminding ourselves, that something of what we have gone through will create in us a new and better person if we will allow it. The Bible tells us that “All things work together for good to those that” 1. Love God and 2. Are called according to HIS purpose. If we meet that criteria, then something out of this will be turned to good. If we don’t, then it may not.

I look around and I see some seriously bitter and angry people. I have been one of them! I think I felt betrayed by God when this flood came….I think I had no concept of how it would change all our lives. I think I was just unable to think very clearly…sometimes even now, I struggle with that.

I work, and all is well! I know my job very well, and I am good at it. But in the wee hours of the night, I wonder. Day by day I seem to awaken a little more. I seem to be finding my way back to me. I wonder what is in store for the rest of my life, and how much life is left. I don’t seem to be concerned about me, but more about my family….What would they do without me? Then I think….how Silly! They would be just fine, they have Jesus, and he is much better at helping than I am…then I tell myself….I know the answer to this….”There IS a time to live, and a time to die, a time to laugh and a time to cry, a time to plant and a time to harvest…..” There is a time…and when it is time for those things we can’t shrink back from the things we don’t like and hold on to only the things we do like.

The amazing thing we have to remember is that we are who we are, and we are where we are supposed to be! We didn’t make a mistake! We just were swept into a time of “something”. It is OK….We are never guaranteed another day, and we never have been. We have this day, and maybe we should make the best of it we can. I think I have to be careful not to just think about me. I also think, I have to be careful TO think about me. What do I want? What do I need? Why not stop and smell some roses? It may be winter in North Dakota, but the flower shops have roses! And there is no charge to smell them! Maybe today, I should go find a sled and go sledding….not a big hill, just a small one…..I am way too old to be climbing up a really high hill….or maybe I am not!

So what is the plan? I don’t know, but God does….In Jeremiah 29:11 it says, “I know the plans I have for you. Plans for good and not for evil, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.” I don’t have to know the plan…I just have to look to Jesus for the lighted path and follow it. He will take me where I need to go, and get me there, when I need to be there. I have no worries, because it is all good!

I must remember to remind myself to ask God first….then listen carefully (messages from God come in so many different ways) and then follow directions. Just following Jesus is pretty easy. He leads the way, and clears the path, and lights the way. There is no stress….just do what He has for me to do today. Tomorrow the sun will come up, and the day will begin, and if I start it out seeking His direction for my day, then I cannot go wrong. I must watch the path closely, it is so easy to step off it and go face first into the mud…or a snow bank, as the case may be.

I love babies, they are so special! Have you ever watched the anticipation of a Grandma or Grandpa trying to get a baby to smile? Over and over they smile and coax and once that little one breaks forth in a smile, those Grandparents exhibit such satisfaction….and Joy….

I think we have to think of Jesus that way….He has the answer, and he will not give up on us. He will keep trying until we “smile”. and His joy is great, because we have accomplished what He wanted FOR us. It is AWESOME to have a GOD who loves us so much, and only wants the BEST for US!

You heard about the little girl who was walking home from school, and a storm came. Lightning was flashing all around…Her Mother, came looking for the little girl to drive her home so she wouldn’t be afraid….but when Mom found her, she saw her daughter look up and smile and continue on her way, seemingly unafraid.
Once Mom got her daughter safely into the car she asked why she had been looking up in the sky and smiling…and wasn’t she afraid of the storm?

The little girl looked at her Mom….and said of course I wasn’t afraid….The light would flash and I knew God was taking my picture so I smiled for Him!

Blessings to you all in the Mighty Name of Jesus! Let God make you SMILE!


  1. Jody says:

    I saw your link on CD-M. My 23-yr-old daughter has been living in Minot for about a year and a half – and I live in Broomfield, CO. I have never been so far away from my daughter – and I miss her terribly. She was blessed with friends (“family”) in the aftermath of the flood – and now she’s in a FEMA trailer. I was glued to KXNews and CD-M for weeks during the flood – so I kinda “lived” vicariously through all that with you and my daughter. I too am Christian and have been through my own trials in my 53 years – and Jesus is faithful and has ALWAYS brought me through as a different (better) person. I so appreciate your blog – your words are awesome. If I may, I would like to share your blog with my Sisters in Bible study tonight – and I would like to post your blog link on my FB page. Thank you — and may the Lord continue to bless you ABUNDANTLY !


  2. Cathy says:

    Awesome job LA, I just love your thoughts on things. You are an amazing woman. God grant you peace and smiles all the time!


  3. Who did you pay to do your website? Its really nicely designed I bet that is why you get so much traffic!


  4. Hiya. Just simply want to leave a swift note and tell you that in fact I’ve loved scanning your website and am recommending it to my close friends. Keep up the good work! Thanks again.


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