Prayyior's God Talk

Oh God….I am not sure!

Yesterday the mountaintop was mine! I didn’t understand that it was coming, and suddenly I was at the top. It is a strange and wonderful experience. My brain was in wonder. It seemed I began to believe what people had said. It seemed strange to be honored by people. I had always heard the story of the missionaries that had arrived back in their homeland after years of sacrifice and years of struggle and many souls gathered for the Kingdom of God….The crowd was huge, and cheering filled the air and their ears rejoiced in the recognition….but then they realized that the crowd was there for someone else, and there was no one to meet them and they prayed….Why God, was it not for us? Have we not just returned from doing your work? And God answered……You are not home yet….The earth is not our home! Heaven is our home, and God is our King! Jesus is our King! Holy Spirit is our King!

So yesterday was strange…why would anyone notice the things I did/do? Who would see the life I have lived, and found it to be something of beauty and accomplishment? I was just living life, nothing exceptional, nothing earth shattering, nothing that I expected to be honored for. Just encouraging…just sharing experience….just pointing the way to Jesus.

Today is a new day….congratulations are still arriving. It is humbling. But today IS a new day! I can’t stay on this mountaintop indefinitely. Perhaps, I can’t stay here even another day. I had not considered this hour. I have not prayed about this hour. I know there are several ways down off this mountain…..I am just not sure which is where I should go. I want the path of least resistance…..I want the path that doesn’t have boulders and cliffs that collapse under my feet. I want safety. I want assurance. I want the right direction and don’t want to go backward. I don’t want to learn the same lessons all over again. There is a lie that I am hearing and it comes at me cloaked in fear. Fear wants to rise up, and tell me to take the easy road, that I don’t know what is around the corner….I don’t know what I cannot see! Yet…..I know that Jesus is around the corner….I know he knows the road….the path I belong on…

I am tired, and yet it is time to begin anew. How many days are left for me Lord? Will there be time to finish? Do I even want to begin, or do I just want to fly off to Paris and then tour Europe….retirement. No… retirement is not part of my life. It never will be, but I long for the right path. I long for a path that opens before me. A path without poisonous snakes and panthers and bears….I long for a path that has bunny rabbits and squirrels and warm fuzzy kittens. I long for peace! I long for sunshine and blue skies, and fluffy white clouds. I am tired of the battle!

I know there are multiple paths down this mountain….I do not see the path….I do not yet hear God’s voice saying “Come this way.”

For now, I stand at the peak…enjoying the view….watching the eagles soar….hearing and feeling the wind….seeing the clouds below me….watching from on high. I breathe in a huge breath of fresh clean air…but it is thin….it lacks oxygen! I will not stay on this Mountaintop much longer, because the wind is strong and it is cold up here. Today, I will seek the Lord….and listen for his voice….and when it comes, and I hear “come this way….” then I will take my first step, and begin again! I will go where he Leads me…and I will be renewed and empowered with His Holy Spirit, and I will be walking hand in hand with he who loves me beyond measure!

Prayyior